Dreams and Passions vs The Six-Figure Salary & Title Chase

Before you get your emotions, all bent out of shape and your defenses flare up, this entry is from my perspective and my experience. I’m in no way trying to shame anyone for chasing their goals or dreams that they have defined for themselves. The purpose of this post is to challenge us to consider why we have set certain goals/dreams as the “ultimate” goal of “success” instead of chasing our true passions. I’m questioning and trying to unpack the dichotomy of why I set certain goals to reach that have left me feeling empty at times. I spent the later part of my career with one goal in mind, to make six figures and to have some type of title. Once I achieved those 2 items, I assumed I would have been fulfilled. Not realizing as I set these goals I never once thought about my true passion or how my career could incorporate meaningful work that could blend my personal and professional beliefs. Don’t get me wrong I thoroughly love the career I have charted over the past 20 years. The work we do allows thousands of people to feed and shelter their families. The work we do creates spaces for organizations to expand their work and share ideas.

Growing up in a 2-parent household with a vast family network of hard-working individuals laid a foundation of what it means to earn you own way. I was fortunate to have two amazing parents lead by example that nothing will just be given to you. My dad worked on the same job for 43 years making the hour and a half journey to and from his job as a master welder. I’ve never known my father without that job or out of work except when they went on strike for fair pay. My mom, my queen, was a bit different. She had many jobs over the course of growing up, but she always worked and some of it, looking back, was hard labor work. With that said, she always had a job and set the example of how to raise a family. Dinner was always on the table during the week. Sunday dinner was always prepared unless we were all down at Grandma’s after church, where she had cooked for everyone. My grandfathers on both sides of the family were hard labored workers from the time I could conceive what work was, until either their death or retirement. My aunts and uncles have all worked. I come from a bloodline of proud workers that have been the vision of the true American Worker!

These examples around me growing up, seeped into the fabric of my work ethic. I knew early on in life that I had to work for everything I wanted. Even as a young kid I would mow my grandparent’s lawn or some of the lawns of our neighbors for money. I remember working alongside Mrs. Emma at the chicken farm down the street from all our homes. I would carry the chicken feed in 2 buckets filling the trays the entire length of the chicken house. If you have ever seen those stables, they were at least the length of a football field give or take. I hated that job and my parents would not let me quit and I’m glad they did not. I learned the essence of tough labor and to respect those that do it as well as helping Mrs. Emma who was an elder of our neighborhood, who I loved.

The work ethic I learned from my parents was invaluable. I knew my dad was faithful to his work, but it wasn’t until I was older in my 30’s that I truly understood his passion for working. It wasn’t for a paycheck or title. It was dignity for him. He worked hard so that he could provide for his family and not just his wife and kids but the “Family”! His work was a part of him, and I could tell he loved it. He may not have enjoyed the intense labor, long hours, time away from his family but there was meaning in his work. There was a purpose and an end game. I remember the proudest moment of understanding the magnitude of my dad’s work was learning that he was one of the crew that built the Ronald Reagan warship and nuclear submarines. My dad hands and skills are forever implanted into the ships and submarines that our armed forces use to protect these United States. The gravity of that sits with me as I’ve charted my career.

My mom has worked her entire adult life as well. Still going to this day being a home health care facilitator. I remember her working at Perdue farms in Lewiston, NC. I think this may have been the toughest work of her life. Even though she grew up on a dairy farm of many acres with her parents and siblings. I remember the big rubber boots, white trench coats, the chain gloves and hair nets. She was a “de-boner” the person who would pull the breastbone out to my understanding. Imagine working in a massive cooler all day standing on concrete just using your same fingers all day long. The mental and physical stress that would have on your body. I think she also worked at a fabric manufacture at some point. My mom was the home maker. After her shifts, she would come home and continue her shift of being mom. Cooking, cleaning yard work in her flower beds until my sister and I were old enough to help with some of it. I’m so proud of my mom for holding down the family and still making my football games in middle school. She was at almost every PTA meeting along with my dad when he could. She was engaged and that made a difference in me and my sister lives.

It makes total sense why I have worked as hard as I have for 20 years in the industry I love. Its in my blood, veins and moral fabric to work hard and to build a strong reputation. I’ve always been mindful and proud of not just the work I do but the way I’ve gone about doing it. Yes, I’ve made mistakes bent the rules a few times here and there, but I’ve never compromised myself in doing it. I believe in the notion that you can take everything away from me, but you can’t take away my work ethic, my passion and my credibility as an overall good human.

I think it was in my late 20’s that I started to chart a methodical course of what I wanted my career to look like. Where I wanted to live. How I wanted to live. What position I wanted to reach and finally what pay I wanted. In my mind making six figures was the goal so that was the goal I set for myself. More importantly I wanted to achieve making six figures by the time I was 35. What I didn’t realize was that I could adjust those goals to fit where I was at any given point in life. Meaning as you grow, get older, experience more in life, its okay to adjust your goals. However, my goal remained set on a specific salary amount. Not giving any time, thought or attention on what work I wanted to do that would fulfill me and transcend itself into my personal and professional life. It wasn’t until 2016 and experiencing one of the most traumatic things in my life and that was the death of my best friend in Pulse Orlando. I became what I like to call a baby activist. Gun reform was and remains dear to my heart. But I also took another likening to my LGBTQ community. After 38 years of life, I was very comfortable in my own skin as a proud gay, black male. The trauma so many of us face as part of the LGBTQ community deserves my voice. I wish I would have learned and owned that voice years ago and found a way to incorporate it into my career. That’s what I mean by adjusting your goals as you live and learn. I guess I did that in some way.

I was in a role, many who held the title considered their swan song. This could be their last role before retirement or a role that they could plant their feet for years and be okay. I quickly realized after 3 years that this would not be me. My thirst to find a role that fit my passion from my personal and professional life were calling. I didn’t know what that looked like, but I knew the role would allow me to work at some capacity within the LGBTQ and multicultural space. Not sure how but I had my eyes and ears open. I don’t remember how I learned of the role but once I did, I knew it was for me! The moment I applied internally I claimed it! There is power in the tongue and I honestly believe what you speak so shall it be manifested. The role would allow me to work from an account management perspective with some of the biggest organizations in the space of interest. HRC, NGLCC, Disability: IN, WBENC, CBCF and the list goes on and on. I would also manage some of the largest Union/Labor associations in the country. This was another proud moment as I grew up in a household where my dad was a part of the union. My uncles were as well. So, I knew some of the language and importance of the Union to the working class of rural America. Hell, I came from the working class of rural America.

This is what I consider meaningful work. Don’t get me wrong friends and colleagues who might read this. You determine what “meaningful” work is to you. This is what it is for me. Only you can answer and take assessment of your career and if you are truly happy. Since starting my current role in June 2018, I have never been happier in all my 20+ years of working in the hospitality industry. I know this role is not my last and quite honestly, I expect to take my current experience and dive further into the LGBTQ, Union and Multicultural space. Who knows what that looks like for me in the future? What I do know is that moving forward my goals and dreams will be well balanced to ensure I’m not just focused on the salary or title but letting my passion guide my steps and to take more risks.